Note: This article is the closing political news story from my May 2017 newsletter. If you’d like to have one of these arriving in your inbox every month, you can sign up for my monthly dispatch on the home page (and some other pages) at daveelder.com.
(Friday, 5/19/17) A large orange snowflake that had previously called Manhattan its home has apparently made a recent move to the Washington, D.C., area, raising concerns among those who care strongly about the federal government’s ability to function effectively on behalf of citizens, and to guard public safety. Already, the presence of this huge tinted crystal has interrupted operations at the EPA and the Department of Education, among others. Some have suggested that the enormous citrus-shaded chip has filled the nearby air with an impenetrable fog, and in so doing, has greatly deepened the city’s swamp.
The massive colored bit of frozen vapor has, in the past, also made regular appearances gliding along a Florida golf course, and even though it seems to now reside in the District of Colombia, the FL sightings continue, as often as before, if not more so. While some might question the likelihood of the same bit drifting around both scenes, no two snowflakes are alike, and this one has some strong identifying characteristics that leave no doubt, according to observers.
A scientist familiar with Orangino explained that its size and shade stem from a thick layer of dark daddy-bucks that shield it from the warmth which melts smaller flakes, giving it the ability to float along in Florida, as well as to hang around during the warmer months in NYC and D.C. He cautions, however, that the big orange flake reacts very strongly to close examination, heated questioning and criticism, to such a degree that the presence of too much negativity applied at any one moment could cause an uncontrollable meltdown, with unpredictable, and possibly catastrophic, consequences.
“It could leave behind a massive hole in the ground, and perhaps an even more colossal blast zone. When a big one like this goes off, you never know what it could bring down with it.”
So what would be the best way to ensure that the big orange snowflake doesn’t do any major damage? Some have suggested taking a closer look at the path it followed from Manhattan to D.C., in a search for clues as to its unravelling. In the meantime, anyone coming in contact with Orangino should tread lightly, because otherwise, things might come to a head, and there could be hell toupee.